Transparency Party

Several people have said the most useful piece of the Loud Love event was the transparency tools workshop.   i was powerfully reminded that while the tools are useful, what appears to be really happening is that people are longing to be asked these revealing questions.  With the smallest opportunity most people will share deep feelings and vulnerable information about themselves, even with people they dont know very well.

We have re-started the transparency group at Acorn.  There were a few people excited about it and a number of people who showed up when it happened who seemed to like it.  My original thought was that we should try to fuse Acorns more festive culture with this tool set and instead of having the classical, slightly formal transparency discussions.  We should have transparency parties, where the format is more relaxed, less full group oriented and more smaller conversations.  Distracting food and drink could be part of it as well.

Picasso's girl in the mirror

Picasso’s girl before a mirror

Instead, at the first Acorn transparency event this year, we stuck to a more conventional format, with the group in a circle and a single person revealing themselves to everyone using several different tool sets.  And i was blown away again.

What was exciting for me was that one member of the group told about their intense and difficult experience when they were young in urban gangs.  What was curious was i had actually heard this story from this person before, but i did not realize how big an identity piece it was for them.  How this violence had influenced their choice to leave their decaying urban center and ultimately settle into the commune sphere.  In the transparency context, i could connect the dots in a way i had not before.

let me see what is really inside you

let me see what is really inside you

We need another new word, it is the opposite of betrayal.  It is something more than just “bonding”.  What transparency groups do is build trust and connections.  i see it almost every time we do one.  i fear that this happens so rarely, that the need for these trust building experiences are not in sufficient demand.  if we are clever, we will change that.